the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
