It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
