He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
