It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
