swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
