When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
