I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
