Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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