dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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