she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
