is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I need water and some morals
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
