Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
