we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
