If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
