it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
