Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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