My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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