to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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