Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
