those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Randomize
