After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
