My hand turned me down
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
