as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
