i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
