i think my mom watched the whole time
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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