im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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