My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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