Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
