My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
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