There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
