My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
