When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
