Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
