I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
