i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
