there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
