Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
