my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
