Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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