saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
