I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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