just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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