Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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