i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
