Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
