farters have to be the big spoon...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
