Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
