i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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