i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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