I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
