As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
